In my work, I see a lot of people needing and wanting to cut ties with a job, in order to start something new and move forward. But often, they stall out on the decision. Because ending things can be so hard.
Especially when you’ve invested a lot, or when you expected a different outcome, or when you have a lot of opinionated people looking on.
How can you be confident that it’s really over?
If you struggle with endings, you are not alone. I write about this all the time because, apparently, I’m obsessed, and because I want to help myself and others understand two things about decisions:
(1) there’s no such thing as right and wrong ones, and
(2) putting them off is wasted energy and bad vibes.
Tony Robbins starts his book “Awaken the Giant Within” with a chapter about making more decisions. That’s the whole message: making decisions is good for you; the more, the better.
Your life is a living experiment
I hope at the end of this post, you take something you’ve pushed into the maybe/maybe not pile (or the “it’s too hard to make a decision” pile), and that you face it, decide on it, and act on it within the next twenty-four hours. That is my challenge to you!
If it’s over, decide it’s over. And if it’s not, then decide you’re going to re-engage with it one hundred percent.
Here are three perspectives to help you. It’s probably over when…
You’re done daydreaming about the future of it
A lot of us go through phases of disliking things in the present moment. J and I have challenges to work through (we were actually the conflict-free couple until the kids were born… so imagine the learning curve!).
But I ALWAYS want to daydream about our future. I am ALWAYS invested in our long term connection. That’s how I know, even on the tough days, it’s far from over.
If you no longer want to daydream about the future of it, like, ever… that might mean it’s over.
Your body is saying no
Our bodies have so much wisdom. If you pay attention, your body is constantly in conversation with you – through your chest, your belly, your shoulders, your jaw. Tune in and listen.
Our minds are crafty. Often, we’re too smart for our own good. Your mind can rationalize keeping all kinds of things in your life that actually don’t sit well in your body. Your ancient wisdom, your true knowing, your intuition – lives in your body.
When you ask your heart if it’s over, what does it say? Shh, not your mind. Your HEART.
It’s about IT, not about you
There are a lot of scary things about this time we’re living (like what’s in my makeup, for example), but one thing I love about this time is the light that’s streaming in on mental wellness, self-awareness, working on and through our own stuff, with less stigma and more courage than ever before.
Sometimes, it’s you. If your boss triggers you because of some issue you haven’t dealt with, then of course you’ll want to quit prematurely. This has nothing to do with your job, and everything to do with you.
But when you know it’s not you – when you’ve got a good coach or therapist or friend or meditation practice or program or book or whatever you need to help you hold up the mirror to yourself – and you know the “problem” is not with you – well… then you can objectively assess IT.
Here’s a recap: Decisions are good for you. There are no right and wrong ones. If there is something in your life that doesn’t belong there anymore (be it your current job, your entire career path, or a relationship that no longer fits), here are three ways to know: it’s not fun to daydream about, it doesn’t feel good in your body, and wanting to separate from it has nothing to do with your own fears or projections.
Life is cyclical. We are literally living on and part of a planet that renews through death and rebirth, over and over and over. If it’s time to let go, let go. And prepare for the miracle of rebirth that’s coming for you just around the corner. XO
PS! Lately I’ve been writing a lot about endings, probably because I’ve been navigating one. A significant chapter in my life – my conventional corporate HR career – is closing, to make room for working directly with people like YOU to find your calling and thrive. If you’re curious, our first conversation is free and you can book it over HERE.